Matthews Story

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Lets see Matthews story…
Matthew was born at Miami Valley Hospital in Dayton, Ohio in the Berry Wing. He was born premature at 25 weeks at 1lb. 10 1/2 ounces. 13 1/4 inches long. His Moms water broke at 23 weeks and we rushed her to the hospital where her doctor was, but they weren’t prepared for such an early delivery, so they transferred her to MVH…. She spent two weeks in there on meds to stop contractions and constant Saline solution and vitamins to help replenish their water, along with steroids to help him develop quickly, cause they weren’t sure how long they could keep him form coming.. Well 2 weeks later nothing was stopping him and through emergency C-section he came into this world….  He spent his first 3 months in the hospital, struggling and growing to survive… He spent most of his time in the NICU unit, where he got NEC and had to have antibiotics, luckily they caught it in early stages and the Medicine worked without him having to have surgery… he eventually moved to the secondary nursery and did well, he finally got to come home.. we were excited yet scared cause we still worried so much about him, because he was on oxygen and a heart monitor.. it sure wasn’t like when I saw my friends bring their kids home the first time, but we did what we had to do for our little boy! After a few months he came off the oxygen then eventually the heart monitor… and for 2 years, we worked with MRDD and Help Me Grow,  private therapy, group therapy, and home therapy just to give him a fighting chance to get through the delays he did and could have from being a preemie.. He grew and was amazing, we thought things were going good, who would have known that just 2 weeks after his second Birthday, that smile that would light up the world and big blue eyes, would become a memory in our hearts.. His mom went in to wake up the morning of Sept. 15 and found him, he was laying on the floor by his crib that morning,  we weren’t sure what had happened, what was going on, we called 911, both of us did infant CPR until the life squad got there, she rode in the ambulance, I followed behind, they put us in a room across form the room he was in, there were so many doctors and nurses going in and out of his room it was hard to tell how many were there trying to help him… but after what felt like forever, the dreaded CALL came from the room and silence flooded the air, felt like time slowed to a halt  ….Time Of Death…. the doctor called… I couldn’t believe what I had heard, I was like NO, I didn’t hear that, NO NO NO… before I knew it both of us where on the floor in disbelief… the staff was trying to tell us and get us to our feet.. they let us come in after they took all the machines and tubes and things off… they cleaned him up for us, we sat in the room with him bundled up in a blanket, I couldn’t bring myself to hold him even though they said we could.. it was hard enough seeing him lay there lifeless.. but I wanted to remember holding him the night before, full of life and energy, feeling that huge spirit he had in him.. I was able to hold his little hands and feet… It was all kinda a blur, I’ve had bits and pieces come to memory over time, I do remember kissing his head, rubbing his face so gently and telling him I’d see him again soon.. I never actually said the words good bye.. even at the funeral, I just said take care my son until I see you again, I Love You! I knew he was gone, but to say goodbye would be like saying I’d never see him again.. I knew one day hopefully I would!
Matthew lost his light after trying to climb out of his crib, after an investigation which really upset us, cause everybody that knew us knows we would never hurt a child… but they had a job to do…. coroners and police said his little neck was broke, a small bruise appeared under his chin, they said it must have been from the top rail bar of the crib, that once he got his feet over the bar, he must have slipped and gravity took over and he fell catching his chin on the way down… a “Million in One” accident they said, all I know was, my heart was shattered, my little light, my smile was gone…
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3 thoughts on “Matthews Story

  1. Catherine says:

    hi James, (found your blog through CYG on FB)… Just wanted to leave a comment to say I’m so sorry for your loss. Matthew is adorable and I’m so sorry to read about his tragic accident. My son had a “1 in a million” complication and it’s been hard to deal with WHY he had to be the 1. I hope this blog helps you heal… writing has helped me a lot. ~Much Love, Catherine

  2. Anna says:

    Hi James, I am so sorry for your loss. I just can’t imagine how you are feeling right now but I know that it is hard to lose a child. I myself lost my baby Alanna this year, never heard her cry and never seen her eyes open but hoping one day we will be together.

    I also want to thank you for sharing your blog in the Blog Directory (http://babylossdirectorysite.blogspot.com/). I know your story touched my heart, sorry to read about the tragic accident. Most of the blogs I read are from mothers like me and only a few for fathers so your blog will surely be interesting to me. Even now, my husband’s feelings has always been a puzzle to me. Sometimes I am too scared to ask because I know that he needs to be strong for us but I know that like me he is in so much pain. I know everyone grieves in a different way but Hoping with your blog I will somehow have an idea how father’s grieve and how they heal.♥♥♥

  3. Hi Anna, Its hard to even understand how another parent with a loss feels even if you’ve experienced it yourself. I remember reading about your sweet Alanna when I link to the blog. My heart goes out to you! I can only hope that my words, stories, and poems can reach others in need of help and support, like I have gotten in so many ways over the years.. I seem to be closer to mothers being more open about my grief and that is wonderful, but I really do hope it reaches out to the fathers… We all need help one way or another.. Just dads are quiet and try to reserve back in their grief.. I myself found that its not healthy for me, the more I held it all in, the angrier and more depressed I became.. I am working on several things right now, one is the long story of everything, I’ve included poems throughout, not sure what it will be, a long blog, something to maybe see about getting published or what… what ever it turns out to be, I just hope it touches other parents and helps them along their grief journeys. I am possibly done with a poem I’ve been working on about a fathers grief and possibly how they feel and deal with it…

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