Another Christmas without You

Well Christmas has come and gone again, and its been the 9th Christmas without you Matthew.  I completely enjoyed spending time with Family and getting to watch your baby brother Kaden and my family to be, open all their presents. I loved  hearing the laughter and seeing all the smiles and cheer of happiness and eating the wonderful food too. My heart and soul was filled with delight. We took Kaden, Kendra and Kelsey to the water park (coco keys) in Cincinnati and had a wonderful time… But through it all, no matter how happy I was, my heart still had sadness in it. An ache of emptiness, even though I wasn’t alone. Even after all the years, the pain in my heart, my soul still hurts as fresh as the day you left us. Time has not healed this wound, this hole in my heart and soul, but rather gave me ability to handle each day better than before. The holidays and your Birthday, angel day and special occasions are rougher then  most days, and I have been able to hold back the tears more, at least on the outside more than I have, but the tears on the inside fall each day.. A scene in a movie, a song or something that triggers a memory always brings tears, good and bad! Today I was busy with Doctors and trying to return and exchange things and did ok, but now that I’m alone and its night time,  I’m plagued with an overwhelming sadness and Its hard to stop the tears. Its bittersweet like it has been the last nine years, but as long and winding and twisted this road of grief is, there is still a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s just going to take a life time to get to it. I move forward, because I know I should, I move forward to reach others in need in your memory and I celebrate your life, therefore, I celebrate the life I have still. So I move forward to live like you were still here, even if its only in my heart. I move forward cause I know you would want me to be happy. I am what I am today because of God and from what I’ve been through and still going through… Not just grief, BUT LIFE!! So I love, I laugh and I smile and I work through the tears, sadness and pain.. Simply cause life isn’t perfect and it isn’t always easy, It has its ups and downs, but Its what we do with it and and its what we make of it.. So I chose to live a full life, loving, caring, exploring, enjoying and being the best of what I can be, and who I can be and what I can be to others and somebody very special! I love and miss you Matthew Hunter.. You live in me and Ill carry you always through this pain filled, yet enjoyable and beautiful life!!


3 thoughts on “Another Christmas without You

  1. Hi Anna, Im not sure what that is, but thank you for reading my blog, I just wanna help others that have experienced the death of a child like I have..

  2. Gary says:

    Beautiful words even though our loss is just one year….it let me feel what’s to come even though I have those same experiences already….souls of the same past feel pain of the same experiences…..pain filled, yet enjoyable and beautiful life…..amen

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